Meeting Trice

I'm so excited to share the story of how we met "teeny tiny Trice" and how God led us to him. But how do you even put this into words?! Here goes...

After reviving the text late at night, we made arrangements for someone to stay with Lakelyn, which was pretty hard since no one knew we had even applied for another adoption. And upon hearing what we were up to, everyone had the same response..."please be careful” (knowing what the last few months had been for us). We left for Jacksonville, FL at 4 a.m. the following morning, having packed the BARE minimum since we had no clue how long we would end up being there. Rich slept almost half of the ten hour road trip as I sat in the driver's seat with the gas peddle to the floor, smile plastered across my face, eyes with tears streaming. The entire drive, the questions kept racing through my mind...what does he look like, what does he weigh, how will Lakelyn handle the transition, will they get along, what do the next few days look like and most of all, I kept thinking of how Lakelyn would now have a brother. To say I was emotional was an understatement and my heart was racing as fast as I was driving. I felt like we wouldn’t get there fast enough!

Like everytime we’ve applied, we don’t have a specify the gender. Rich was so excited it was a boy which I had no idea what to do with one but anxious to learn. On the drive, Rich and I talked about his name and decided he would have the same name as the adoption of the baby that fell through right before him. The name was a family name that means a lot to both of us. 

As we pulled into the hospital with our attorney on the phone, we realized Rich had put the wrong address into his Maps...we were at a hospital an hour out of the way! Now you can imagine after a ten hour trip, I may or may not have lost my mind and my cool. That hour reroute was the LONGEST hour of the entire drive. It was the hour that fear creeped in. I felt the devil whispering his lies..."they're going to choose another family", "this makes you look disorganized", "you look unfit to be his parents". I felt defeated...like my son was a million miles away. 

We FINALLY got to the hospital. Our attorney said he couldn't wait and left, letting us know he would be back in about an hour after he got food. I immediately broke down. Rich told me we needed to eat and get it together, but I literally hadn’t spoken to him in the hour over to the correct hospital. We ate in the food court (you couldn't have paid me to leave after all of that) and knowing my sweet boy was just a few floors up and there was nothing I could do felt like torture. I remember sitting with big heavy tears falling from my cheeks praying to God and asking ‘Why, why are we waiting? We are so close to him. Is this a scam? Lord my heart can’t take it. My family can’t take it.’ We sat down with our food and this sweet older gentleman dressed as a clown (he goes from room to room as a way to cheer up patients and their families) came over and grabbed my arm. "Hello. You look like you and your little one need this.” He gave me a little mouse with overalls on. Trice's first toy. I smiled and said, “Thank you.” He had the gentlest smile and walked away after saying, “I’ll be praying for him.” To this day, that little mouse can be found in Trice's room

About an hour later, our attorney returned and met us in the lobby. We signed the papers and headed for the NICU. The feeling I had as we made our way to that floor is one I can't describe. We scrubbed in (with our hearts beating a mile a minute) as the nurses talked to our attorney. , And there he was, this tiny 4 lb 3 oz baby boy wrapped snugly in a baseball blanket. The nurse explained to us that he was nine days old and hadn’t been held much. They made sure to warn us not to be alarmed if he didn't like it.   

He took my breath away. His tiny features, his hair...he was perfect in every way. She asked what his name was and Rich looked at me and said, “I would really like for him to have my name.” Keep in mind this is NOT what we talked about. I was a MESS. How could I argue. In that moment he became Richard Lyle Froning III ‘Trice’.

Rich left the next morning at 5 a.m. and I was back to the hospital at 5:20 a.m. The nurses were amazing. They have so many babies there–I couldn’t believe it. I sat there with my son as the kindest nurse walked over and told me everything about my son that I had missed in the last nine days. Then she asked if I wanted to do skin-to-skin with him (he hadn’t had that yet), my eyes filled with tears and I just shook my head yes as she stood up to go get a curtain. I didn’t know what she was doing and since I was already in a gown being in the NICU, (let’s face it I’ll never see those nurses again, no one else was there) I just stripped it down under my gown before she got back. As soon as I laid trice on me and wrapped him up him a blanket he opened his eyes. He opened his eyes and looked at me for the first time. I literally couldn’t breath, my heart stopped and the tears were uncontrollable. I prayed over him, thanked the Lord for him, and told him how much I loved him...that he would never have to wait on me again. I was his mommy. As he just looked at me...I knew he knew. And in that moment, my heart was healed. That 4lb 3oz baby laying on my chest had my heart rejoicing. When the nurse came back, Trice was basically soaking wet. At first, she was laughing because I had already stripped my shirt off and then she saw the puddle of tears. I assured her they were very, VERY happy tears. That day, I held him on my chest from 5:30 a.m. to 10 p.m. 

Everyday was the same in Jacksonville. Wake up, go to McDonald’s to get a sweet tea, sit at the hospital, and then go back to the hotel. And every single person in each place was a blessing to me in someway. By the third day, the guy at McDonald's knew my name and that I wanted extra ice in my sweet tea. I don’t know much about Jacksonville, but where we were was pretty scary and there wasn't a lot around. Being alone, I didn’t feel like being adventurous. So, not getting into my hotel room until late every night, I always just ordered room service. The woman who brought it to me every night knew my order (I literally ordered the same thing every night). She was so funny; I knew she was busy but I just loved talking to her. It was my fifth or sixth night there and I had had a really hard day. I was missing Lakelyn. This woman brought up my dinner and asked if I was okay (she could tell I had been crying). Every night after that, she brought me a free glass of wine–haha. She was so amazing. 

It was so difficult being alone during such an emotional time after Rich left until my sister got there (the last four days). Trice was moved from UF shans to another hospital baptist south. When he was transferred, I walked in hoping for just as nurses that were just as nice...and goodness, I was not disappointed. They went above and beyond.  The lady at the front desk was a God send and doesn’t even know. I was so scattered when I got there from him being transferred (it’s a long story) and I didn’t know how to get in the NICU. She pointed out the window and said, "the door." (In my defense, the other hospital had two pagers and a sink.) My face turned blood red but all I could do was laugh. She stood up and gave me a huge hug–it was obviously written all over my face that I needed it. It was the first hug I had received since being in Florida and it was my first face-to-face REAL “Congratulations mama.” Cue the tears again. 

Our new room was just curtains. There was no TV, radios...nothing. Just me and Trice. The other monitors went off all day...and as tired as I was and as much as I missed Lakelyn, I tried so hard to soak in this special time and bond with Trice. It was so special, yet each moment was so unknown and up in the air. It was by far the hardest and most amazing 15 days of my life. I wouldn't trade those 15 days with my son, those nurses for anything. I am thankful for each person God placed in my path that trip. My son has taught me more than he will ever know, So has my daughter. Gods blessings are every where and in every situation it is just waiting on his timing that I have to become better at, haha! 

The Three In-between

Before Trice and after Lakelyn, we actually lost three babies...all through the adoption process. That’s the thing with adoption–it’s a constant roller coaster of emotions. You are either incredibly happy and excited for the next step or you're super low and don’t want to continue in the process. I wanted to share this with you...not only because it's a part of our story, but for the mere fact that those babies will forever be prayed for. One baby in particular will forever be a part of my heart. 

I also wanted to share this part of our story because I don’t know who is reading this. I don't know where you are in your adoption or fertility journey and I want you to know that if God has placed adoption and motherhood on your heart–it’s for a reason. And that reason alone is worth the fight...no matter the hurdles and struggles along the way. 

The first baby we were matched with was matched through a lawyer. Our family was on vacation when we received the phone call...and we cried and cried. I can't imagine what the people around us on the beach were thinking of us that day. I won't go into too much detail about this sweet baby but I will share that the birthmom chose a different family right before the baby was born. It was painful. BUT we know this IS where this baby belongs. As much as I wanted another baby, I had to lean not my understanding but his (God's). Looking back from where we sit now (not just because of Trice), it makes perfect sense.

The story surrounding our match with the second baby was very difficult. The birth mom was younger and asked Rich and I for a large amount of money. After our attorney explained to us that what she had done was illegal and shared what we could do for her...she sent me a horrific email and told us she was keeping the baby after all. This was so hard for us because she had explained throughout her entire pregnancy why she had no desire to keep the baby. A few months later, the Department of Child Services called and asked if we had been in contact with her...because she had abandoned the baby. They were looking for her hoping we had spoken to her (we hadn't). It was so difficult knowing that it cold have all been avoided...that sweet baby had been through so much.  

The third baby is what set me over the absolute edge. This birthmom and dad had already signed papers stating that we would be the parents of this baby. We had the hospital room papers filled out for our stay. The birth mom had given us all of her ultrasound pictures...and in my heart, I knew this was my son. Our hearts were ready for him. But in the state of Tennessee, the papers don't really matter until the baby is born (although, they're a huge step in the right direction).  

With adoption, like with Lakelyn, I knew what could happen. I knew that at any moment, the birth mom could change her mind even though all of the steps in the right direction had taken place. I even went as far as asking my sister to do a reveal party. 

As an adoptive mom, you don’t get to do all the “mom things” that happen during pregnancy–I don’t get to find out the gender of my baby at the doctor's office, have the gender reveal parties, or tell my family the big news. I just wanted for one night to be “that mom.” I knew the risk going into it. I also knew that after all the heartbreak, if something did happen, we were finished. I wanted to make the best and most out of every single opportunity I had with this baby. So, with just family and very close friends, I had THE BEST gender reveal party! 

It’s a boy. 

I’ve never been more anxious in my life. As the weeks went by, we anxiously prepared our hearts for our son. We picked out his name and  began the wait. Even had Lakelyn's 'Big Sister' Pictures taken. Late St Patrick’s day evening, we received a phone call. The birth mom's water broke 5 weeks early and they were going to try and stop her labor. They asked that we would prepare by packing his bag. We were NUTS! We had the car seat in the car. We washed his blankets and his coming home gown. And the next morning, our incredible lawyer began filling out the paperwork for Vanderbilt knowing he would be transferred (as a preemie).

We started making arrangements for Lakelyn since we didn’t know what the next few days would hold. Boy, we sure didn't. The next phone call had me on my knees...we found out that she had delivered and decided to keep the baby. I literally couldn't breathe. My heart felt like it had stopped. It was a pain I can hardly describe, even now. As the days passed, we began taking the car seat out of the car and unpacking his things (which wasn’t a lot–being an adoptive mom, you know not to purchase everything for the child until they are truly HOME). And everyone you know just looks at you with sad eyes. Even still, right now I’m crying. I’m not mad at that birth mom, I’m heartbroken. There is a huge, huge difference. There was never any anger in my heart towards her...just the pain of feeling like someone had taken my son straight from my arms. 

I spent the next 3 weeks crying. Every. Single. Day. But guys...let me tell you how amazing God is. He was preparing us. Yes, that little boy will ALWAYS be prayed for by us because our hearts were so ready for him to be ours and the Lord brought him to US for some reason. That baby and his birth mom needed us and our prayers and they will ALWAYS have them. But he wasn’t our son. 

Trice is our son. 

I received an email from an agency I’d been with for YEARS about a little boy. This was a Sunday (all applications have to be in by Wednesday). I felt the Lord pushing me to move forward. But Rich of course was telling me no. In his defense, it had been a horrific 8 months and in the last month, I had been a mess. But, just like with Lakelyn, when the Lord says "Go," I’m going, haha! 

So I printed off the packet, filled out the form, (we were already homestudy approved) and stormed into CrossFit Mayhem with the papers in my hands and tears in my eyes and told him he could sign it or I would forge it. I know, I know, it was a little aggressive and a tad crazy. The truth is.. all moms are. But in response to my grand entrance, my amazing husband kissed me and grabbed the pen. I went home and the only thing I had to finish in the packet was the letter to the birthmom. Talk about difficult. In the adoption post, she was looking for someone “preferably with no kids.” Obviously, I decided to apply anyways, but I couldn’t get it out of my mind that we weren’t what she was looking for. 

However God kept telling me "Go." As I sat at my kitchen counter with the papers sprawled everywhere, I just cried. I cried and I prayed for the words to express to a complete stranger. I had no idea what she wanted to hear or who she was looking for other than a family with no children...and that definitely wasn’t us.

I started three or four letters, crumpled them up. After throwing them away, I walked outside and felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I sat on my porch for a minute and just asked God for the right words to say..."Lord is this really the right thing to do or am I acting out of my desire and desperation to be a mama?"

I remember being able to talk to Lakelyn's birth mom so naturally, but this was different...I hadn’t met her. I walked back inside and the first thing I wrote was about Lakelyn–our love for her and our family of 3. Because that’s what we are. I was very specific to not mention CrossFit in any way because it’s not relevant...that’s not OUR life. We had to send 3 pictures, 2 were family and one was just of Lake. I rushed to the post office and overnighted the package. The next day, I received an email that there were 19 applicants for this sweet boy. I told Rich, “See. There is no way.” We were the youngest couple among the 19 but surprisingly, not the only one with another child. We were told that a decision would be made by noon. And at noon, we were told we were top 5 out of 19. Keep in mind, NO ONE knew we had applied (besides my sister, duh. Haha). I couldn’t handle letting everyone down again if it didn't work out so Rich and I decided to keep this process just between us. And I was about to explode. 

One of the hardest things about being an adoptive mom is you can never truly show your emotions because you never know the outcome. At any moment, something can change that is completely out of your control. 

At 5:00 p.m. we received an email that she couldn’t decide and was taking all 19 applicants home and that we should expect to hear something tomorrow. I felt my heart breaking again. Except this time, I wasn’t just praying for myself and my husband and that birthmom. There were 19 other families on this email. We had been through this heartbreak (not that it made it any easier). But I vividly remember sitting there reading the email in tears for every one of us waiting; how real the pain felt and thinking about this sweet eight-day-old baby boy was who was about to be so loved by one of us families anxiously waiting for a "yes."

That "yes" came that night, not the next day. At 9 p.m. both of our phones went off at the exact same time as we were cleaning up the house from a surprise party, house full. The text read “this is ___ you have been chosen for the baby boy. How fast can you get to Jacksonville.”

I ran to the bedroom and completely lost it. 

I’ll share more of our story about meeting Trice in the next post but I wanted to share this part of our journey for all of you starting, waiting, or anyone anywhere in between on their adoption or fertility journey. God does have a plan for your exact story...your baby that will complete your family. Don't lose hope. 

I sometimes find myself sitting in Lakelyn's room...still in shock of how truly blessed Rich and I are. Before she was ours, I remember scrolling through board after board of nurseries on Pinterest, imagining all of the different types of bedding we would have–ruffle for a girl and maybe some fun patterns for a boy.

Before it became Lakelyn's room, it was a simple guest room. But if you looked through my eyes, you would see the box in the corner filled to the brim with random baby things I had collected over the years. I made a point to purchase a kids' book every time we traveled the world with Reebok. I would also keep my nieces' hand-me-downs in hopes of one day having a baby girl to wear them. And after three years of adding to the box, it was full. Full of boys and girls clothes, bows, books, and  the cutest little hats. It might sound like such a sweet and simple thing to do...but behind that, my heart ached with hope for the day that these things might actually be put to use. I'll never forget all the times my tears would stream down my face every time I added to that box. Or all of the times I would pray for the day I would become a mom...and that it would be sooner rather than later.

After yet another failed IUI, I came home and beelined to the guest bedroom, pulled out the box and got rid of everything I'd been collecting except for the books. It was just too hard to look at. Just knowing the box was waiting for me acting as the failed hope of becoming a mother was too hard to bear. I couldn't handle it anymore, the pain was just too great. And looking back, I completely regret getting rid of all of those precious things.
   
Fast forward to one month before Lakelyn graced our lives. I still can't believe we had just one month to prepare for her! ONE MONTH! When we found out we would be adopting a girl, I so badly wanted to start shopping. But I couldn't. I knew from the bottom of my heart that I wouldn't be able to handle it if something happened...taking back with sorrow what I bought with joy. So Lakelyn's room remained a guest room and instead of buying hair bows and decorations, we bought the necessities–diapers, wipes, and a few sleepers. The bare minimum. Our families thought we were crazy bringing home a baby with absolutely nothing. Our friends were more than helpful in all of this. One of my close friends was a mom of two at the time, one being a little girl. She had thankfully kept all of the clothes her little girl grew out of and let me come over and take anything I wanted. Truth be told, I don't know what I would have done without her or some of my other close friends. I left her house that night with bags of clothes, sleepers, bibs, burb clothes, a swing, and a bassinet. And if that's not amazing enough, a week before Lakelyn was born, my sister, mom, and cousin threw me a surprise shower...giving Lakelyn her first gifts–clothes. I cried with every gift I opened. I distinctly remember opening a tiny bathing suit complete with a sunhat and a coming home outfit for the hospital. And me and Rich's neighbor (more like our second mom) brought over a diaper bag. It was a pink Petunia Pickle Bottom. I couldn't believe she bought me such a nice gift. It wasn't just that it was a great diaper bag...it was that it meant I was one step closer to actually being a mom.

Knowing what I know now...it's very difficult to just "wing it" with a newborn. Turns out, you do need things! My sister and close friends and family threw me the most beautiful baby shower I'd ever been to...we called it a "sip and see" shower since Miss Lakelyn would be there for almost everyone to finally meet. I am still so thankful and surprised at just how many people came and all of the love they had for Lakelyn. God definitely filled my heart to the brim that day...I felt so blessed that day. It will not soon be forgotten.

The guest room became Lakelyn's room when she was three months old. And now that she's three and a half, I still sit in her room with tears in my eyes thinking of how blessed Rich and I are to be her parents. I think about how long I dreamt of her. I think about how I always felt in my heart that I would be a little girl's mama (maybe it was a strong hope); but I never thought my baby girl would have blond hair and blue eyes! She is more beautiful than I ever imagined. Her room is a testament to the beautiful God-story that came to fruition in Lakelyn. Her room has a story, filled with books with personal notes in them from that "sip and see". They are so special–I love reading them to her every time we do our bedtime stories.

My prayer now is that she always knows how loved she is, how big of a blessing she is, and how much joy she has brought to our hearts. Lakelyn is our greatest gift!