Just a couple months after we had started the adoption process. Rich and I told only a few family members and close friends. Although I was extremely excited about our decision to adopt, I was still working through a lot of pain from our infertility. I remember comments like, "As soon as you adopt you will get pregnant it happens all the time" or "Don't you want your own?" That comment always makes me feel outraged and want to bust out in tears. I'll never forget being at a baby shower (which was already very hard for me to do) and talking to someone about how God had a different plan for us and we were working on adopting. I will never forget her looking at me and saying ,"you're so lucky, you won't have to get fat" and walked away laughing.
She had recently given birth & stood there holding her adorable, tiny, & perfect baby as the words came out of her mouth. I remember the pain, anger & shock that ran through my body as she said those words to me. I remember the tears on the drive home. I remember the way my heart hurt that night as I cried into my pillow, “I’m not lucky, I am cursed.” I remember how that comment shook me to my core & brought me back to a place of vulnerability before the Lord. Through that experience, God continued to challenge my faith, meet my needs & bring healing to my heart.
Last night, when I rocked Lakelyn Ann to sleep, the words “lucky me” echoed through my mind & heart. My eyes filled with tears as I held my adorable, incredibly perfect daughter & thanked God for His plan for our family. It’s amazing how He took the most painful news of my life, & brought from it the most beautiful blessing of my life… Lucky me.
I read this and it spoke my heart, I have to share how lucky I am.
Lucky me… He had a better plan that I could ever have imagined.
Lucky me… Our infertility led us to consider adoption earlier than we would have ever dreamed
Lucky me… He challenged me to step out in faith as He called us to adopt & then met us EVERY step of the way.
Lucky me… He didn’t leave me alone in my pain, but through it, He taught me much about His character & love.
Lucky me... I’ve learned what it means to trust Him on a deeper level.
Lucky me… I have seen the Lord work miracles, answer prayers & move mountains for our family.
Lucky me… My view of “what makes a family” has been radically changed, that my heart for life has been deepened, & my passion for adoption has been awakened.
Lucky me… As a result of all Rich & I have been through almost 4 years, our marriage is stronger, our friendship deeper & our gratitude for our daughter greater than it would have been if growing our family had been as easy as we’d planned for it to be.
Lucky me… Through our infertility & adoption journey, the Lord has changed me & refined me.
Lucky me… Every single day I’m deeply aware that our daughter is a gift & motherhood is an honor.
Lucky me… He was faithful to not only answer my prayers, but to answer them in a way that radically changed my life for the better.
Lucky me… The Lord chose me to be the mother of His precious Lakelyn Ann.
Lucky me... He taught my heart to cry out with joy & confidence,
"I’m not cursed, I am blessed."
I remember we had miscarried after 20 weeks, and then things people said to us to be "helpful" were horrible. Looking back those people are usually ignorant or unhappy in their own life and want to spread the misery.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you had to have such a painful journey but I can say, after having a hard one myself, the end result is that much sweeter. My marriage is stronger, I am a better mom now, more relaxed and don't sweat the small things in life. I "get" the big picture and understand how truly amazing a child is, what a miracle. Lucky you is right! Lakelyn was meant to be your daughter, she just found you in a way you might not have originally planned. :)
What a beautiful post, thank you so much for sharing. It is so encouraging to read, as me and my husband are going through a similar situation, we just went through our 4th complicated miscarriage, and are about to head down the road of adoption. We are praying for courage and guidance, bc for me this is scary. That's why I'm so grateful for your post, it's encouraging to read, and I'm just discovering through a closer relationship with my Savior that I am blessed and not cursed and he sees us, you and me, even when it feels like no one understands. So thank you for the beautiful words of encouragement.
ReplyDeleteTears, sweet mama! I can't wait to be as lucky as you!
ReplyDeleteThis gave me chills. Your daughter is so very lucky to have you as a mom.
ReplyDeleteWe are fostering to adopt and the journey is gut wrenching, painful, but all so rewarding as it has brought us through struggles we didn't think we could survive. You spoke volumes to my heart with "Lucky Me...God called us to adopt sooner than we expected." Our infertility has not only brought us closer to God, but has taught us about a love we would of never been able to experience. We accepted our infertility and followed God's plan...and I am forever grateful for the path He put us on. Bentley and Carlee did not come from my womb, but they came from my heart. And in the journey, my husband started Crossfit, became encouraged by Rich, and I became encouraged by you! Check mark for Crossfit! God bless!
ReplyDeleteI love reading your posts. They hit home with me and my infertility. My husband and I recently talked about adoption if I could never conceive. Whether I can or can't, I would love to be a mother to a child like you have. Blessings to you, Rich & Lakelyn.
ReplyDeleteWow your post brought tears to my eyes!
ReplyDeleteYou are strong and a precious daughter of God and He chose you to gain a beautiful daughter through an amazing plan He has!
You are truly an example of living like Christ.
Thank you for your beautiful post
Hi Hilary! I love reading your posts and love the way you share your heart and faith in Jesus! I am praying for you and believing in faith that God will bless you with more babies and heal the infertility. There are countless stories of women in the bible that were unable to conceive but miraculously God opened up their womb and they became pregnant! My husband is a huge fan of Crossfit and of your hubby rich! And we know that God can literally move mountains and do the impossible! So know we are praying fervently for you and we are so delighted that your journey of adoption and parenting is goin amazingly! You deserve EVERY heavenly blessing! Love Helene xox
ReplyDeleteWow... this blog really spoke to me, and in an amazing way. I just recently heard the words that I have been afraid of for 11 years. I will never be able to have my own baby. After all these years of infertility I finally decided to figure out what was wrong. I'm happy I did but now am having so many feelings run through me and it is very painful as you know, Hillary. Our next step is pursuing adoption the way that you and Rich did. Please tell me what the first step is to this. Who did you call? How did you start the process? Was it difficult? Was it expensive? If you have a moment and can answer my questions I would be ever so grateful. My email address is Dani042211@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteBless you and your beautiful family
Danielle
Wow... this blog really spoke to me, and in an amazing way. I just recently heard the words that I have been afraid of for 11 years. I will never be able to have my own baby. After all these years of infertility I finally decided to figure out what was wrong. I'm happy I did but now am having so many feelings run through me and it is very painful as you know, Hillary. Our next step is pursuing adoption the way that you and Rich did. Please tell me what the first step is to this. Who did you call? How did you start the process? Was it difficult? Was it expensive? If you have a moment and can answer my questions I would be ever so grateful. My email address is Dani042211@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteBless you and your beautiful family
Danielle
This post really touched my heart and although our stories are different, I find myself truly moved and uplifted after watching your husband Rich's documentary and just now reading your blog. To see a husband so cherish and love his wife and gorgeous baby girl but put God at the head of his life just made me realize that in my journey living with chronic pain, that I must let God truly lead my path and my faith needs a tune-up.
ReplyDeleteStruggles with infertility and your evident pain hearing relatives misguided comments remind me of the struggles I endured when trying to get pregnant and losing two babies, one an etopic pregnancy and one a late miscarriage. Through God's grace, I did have two children but was still devastated by an adoption that fell through a few days before picking up an 17 month-old little girl named Emma.
I write two blogs, one on living with chronic pain and one on raising brilliant children. My son was and is gifted( a piano prodigy) so that blog is called "Raising Beethoven."
I hope you might read my blog one day and I encourage you to keep writing Hiliary. You inspire people with your candidness and made me laugh with your feistiness in the documentary. Keep trusting God with your marriage and family!
Thank you to both you and Rich for inspiring my walk with God!!
By the way, his documentary was fantastic.... It's funny how I am drawn to sports documentaries despite my growing dependency, lack of worth and difficult walking.
I loved being active, playing tennis, walking my dogs, so it is extremely hard having a spine that no longer functions as a spine should!😔
I will pray for your growing family.... Lakelyn is gorgeous just like her Mama!!
Blessings,
Lauria
Your story is such an inspiration and I truly enjoy reading your posts and seeing all that you share on Instagram.
ReplyDeleteBoth my husband and I are avid Crossfitters - my husband has his L1 and coaches at our local box. We actually met there in March 2014 and knew immediately that we were each others' forever. We got married New Years Day 2015, and like you and Rich, didn't wait long to start our family. After 4 losses, the last of which being an ectopic pregnancy, we have decided that adoption is God's plan for us.
We both find comfort in knowing that there is hope and that miracles through adoption happen every day! Any advice you have for us would be greatly appreciated.
God Bless and have a Happy New Year!
Kerry G.
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ReplyDeleteI got my ex husband back to me and also got fertile and gave birth to twin girls after 12 years of marriage.
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