Not only an adoptive mama and more than a CrossFit Wife!

He Had Better Plans

   Some reading this may know me, some may know my husband and some may have no clue who I am! I wanted to start a blog for multiple reasons. I didn't know what to write about first, I feel like why not start off with the honest truth about me and our journey. I had never been a blog reader until a friend told me about her friends going through adoption and had a blog. I found myself saving blogs to my phone and would randomly read at night and keep up with their process. I found comfort in reading total strangers blogs because they were honest and going through the same situations we were. I pray if someone has randomly come across this blog like I did so many, it comforts you too.
    Now, If you do know me, You know I am a planner. Almost an OCD planner. Which is why I think our adoption journey was so difficult. One of the biggest struggles was knowing I had absolutely zero control over the process. Fact is, we really aren't in control of our lives but we all pretend to be because its a lot less scary that way. Even As Christians we often live this; we plan, we scheme, control and of course pray and trust in God. Going through adoption you do lots..and lots of praying and trusting.
  Infertility hit me like a ton of bricks. I never dreamed "it would happen to me." I can't even control what most women take completely for granted. I don't have control of growing my family, which I assumed God would give me because I wanted a large family more than anything. At times during our journey having no control had left me feeling hurt, disappointed, crazy, angry. I've felt confused, entitled, jealous and bitter. Thankfully, God didn't and doesn't leave me confusing mess of pain and disappointment. I have grown closer to God than ever before our journey. I have been humbled and he taught me strength and faithfulness in him. I am walking hand in hand, then and now, through circumstances I do not understand and trusting he has a better plan and outcome than I ever could have planned myself.
   Some days were much harder than others. I felt very alone and that no one could understand not even Rich. I felt abondoned and my prayers would never be answered, instead everyone around me was getting pregnant and then there was me. In silence of our situation and not wanting to talk about it. God tells us its ok to be honest with what we feel and what I'm believing. Acknowledging what I am feeling helps me separate my crazy emotions from his truth. God knows I'm still learning, growing and sometimes I still am hurting. He gives me grace on grace on grace. With his grace he has blown me away, he has opened my eyes, he has wrapped his arms around me when I needed it the most. He has taught me to seek to him and trust in his timing. I learned there is hope learned through suffering.
  My prayer life has become stronger than ever. Going through adoption I would have so many days of only tears and whispered prayers asking God to keep my emotions in check, calm my heart and to help me praise him if the answer was no or not now. God does love me and he loves you. God is always with me and hears all our prayers. I have been shown to never give up and to trust in him always. He has better plans!

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.


Matthew 11:28

Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."


23 comments

  1. Hi Hillary. Thank you for sharing this post. It was such a blessing to me. We serve such a great God, and my heart rejoices for you and your family. My husband's family is from your neck of the woods. :) His first cousins are Tyler and Jade Peek..and Jade is actually who told me a year ago about knowing y'all when I started Crossfit. :) Small world! I follow you on IG and your sweet lil chunker just blesses my heart. One of my favorite verses that I have clung to during some of my lowest valleys is Jeremiah 33:3. Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things which thou knowest not. ❤️ He is faithful. God bless you!

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  2. God bless you and your family. Thank you for sharing.

    E.M.

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  3. Beautiful Story! I look forward to reading more! God is faithful!

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  5. I am so excited to read about your journey! I started following you on IG during the CrossFit Games when I learned you and Rich had adopted. I've struggled with my own fertility issues (I've miscarried twice), so I felt I could connect with you in a small way. Props to you for being brave enough to share your journey, and I can't wait to read more about it! <3

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  6. Wow! God is certainly so good. Looking forward to reading more of your inspiring blog!

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  7. I am not a mother, a wife, or even an adult yet, but I could relate to this post in so many ways. I know I do not put enough of my trust in God. I worry and wonder about my future like I have the tiniest bit of control over it. I don't. I often become selfish and begin making decisions without thoroughly talking to God about it.

    Hillary, thank you for posting. It opened my eyes to the importance of prayer and trust.

    Abby Jo

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  8. I'm excited to read more about your journey! As another couple dealing with infertility, it is always nice to read the honest truth from others who have walked in your shoes. We are about to begin our own adoption journey!

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  9. Thank you for sharing your story! I look forward to reading many more!

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  10. I am beyond happy you have come to such a perfect place. We all have our own struggles and it is great to see how He brings us out of them (myself included). My daughter was born at 26 weeks, 1lb & 8oz. She is alive and well and is more than we could have asked for!

    Looking forward to reading about your jorney.

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  11. Your story is such an encouragement!!! Thank you for sharing your heart! He is such an incredibly faithful God and will always bring us through if we are willing to believe He is there and will carry us through anything He sets before us! Looking forward to hearing more!

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  12. Hi Hillary,
    I'm so excited to see you've made a blog! I have only recently started blogging my own experiences while teaching up in the pilbara (rural Western Australia). Can't wait to read more :)
    Amy xo

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  13. Yay! So excited you're on here! We are in the process of adopting 2 kids right now and it. is. KILLER. Very long and emotional process. I love reading your story and am so proud of you for putting yourself out there and sharing your heart and struggles. Thats what speaks to people. Anyways can't wait for the next entry!

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  14. Hi Hillary, great story! I look forward to reading more about your family and your life! Such an inspiring story about your adoption process! Isn't it great how God works in our lives? :)
    Ps your little girl is ADORABLE! Where do you get all her outfits? They are too cute!

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  15. Hi! I live in New Zealand, and my husband is a huge fan of Rich, so he has me watching all the games, and the. I stumbled upon your Instagram page and became a HUGE fan of you!! Thank you for sharing your journey, and representing Jesus so beautifully! I can't wait to keep reading! Sending love and prayers to your family all the way from New Zealand! Xx

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  16. Love hearing your story! My husband and I have been dealing with infertility and failed adoptions for the past 7 years. We are now in the process of adopting through Foster Care and can't wait to see how God's plan unfolds! God's plans are definitely better than ours, and sometimes it takes a long time to realize it. Infertility is such a painful thing to experience and it is so helpful to have people in your life that understand and have experienced it firsthand! Thanks for sharing your heart and your faith. Love the testimony that you and Rich have! God bless your family!

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  17. Such a beautiful story of faith and grace. I am a Crossfitter wife, a mother, a foster mother, and soon to be adoptive mother! We are currently in the process of adopting our foster children. The court dates, delays, paperwork, social workers, fear, joy....it's all very hard and scary. But oh so rewarding! ...joy comes in the morning! My go-to verse each day is "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart". Galatians 6:9. God bless you in your journey and keep blogging!

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  18. What a beautiful post! Thank you for being real and genuine! I can understand your struggles a little as we have 5 kids but have had 7 miscarriages. I am so grateful for his grace...he is good to our hearts!

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  19. Thank you for sharing; infertility has consumed me and I appreciate your words.

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  20. Awesome story! Huge encouragement and inspiration to me! Thank you.

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