Just a couple months after we had started the adoption process. Rich and I told only a few family members and close friends. Although I was extremely excited about our decision to adopt, I was still working through a lot of pain from our infertility. I remember comments like, "As soon as you adopt you will get pregnant it happens all the time" or "Don't you want your own?" That comment always makes me feel outraged and want to bust out in tears. I'll never forget being at a baby shower (which was already very hard for me to do) and talking to someone about how God had a different plan for us and we were working on adopting. I will never forget her looking at me and saying ,"you're so lucky, you won't have to get fat" and walked away laughing.
She had recently given birth & stood there holding her adorable, tiny, & perfect baby as the words came out of her mouth. I remember the pain, anger & shock that ran through my body as she said those words to me. I remember the tears on the drive home. I remember the way my heart hurt that night as I cried into my pillow, “I’m not lucky, I am cursed.” I remember how that comment shook me to my core & brought me back to a place of vulnerability before the Lord. Through that experience, God continued to challenge my faith, meet my needs & bring healing to my heart.
Last night, when I rocked Lakelyn Ann to sleep, the words “lucky me” echoed through my mind & heart. My eyes filled with tears as I held my adorable, incredibly perfect daughter & thanked God for His plan for our family. It’s amazing how He took the most painful news of my life, & brought from it the most beautiful blessing of my life… Lucky me.
I read this and it spoke my heart, I have to share how lucky I am.
Lucky me… He had a better plan that I could ever have imagined.
Lucky me… Our infertility led us to consider adoption earlier than we would have ever dreamed
Lucky me… He challenged me to step out in faith as He called us to adopt & then met us EVERY step of the way.
Lucky me… He didn’t leave me alone in my pain, but through it, He taught me much about His character & love.
Lucky me... I’ve learned what it means to trust Him on a deeper level.
Lucky me… I have seen the Lord work miracles, answer prayers & move mountains for our family.
Lucky me… My view of “what makes a family” has been radically changed, that my heart for life has been deepened, & my passion for adoption has been awakened.
Lucky me… As a result of all Rich & I have been through almost 4 years, our marriage is stronger, our friendship deeper & our gratitude for our daughter greater than it would have been if growing our family had been as easy as we’d planned for it to be.
Lucky me… Through our infertility & adoption journey, the Lord has changed me & refined me.
Lucky me… Every single day I’m deeply aware that our daughter is a gift & motherhood is an honor.
Lucky me… He was faithful to not only answer my prayers, but to answer them in a way that radically changed my life for the better.
Lucky me… The Lord chose me to be the mother of His precious Lakelyn Ann.
Lucky me... He taught my heart to cry out with joy & confidence,
"I’m not cursed, I am blessed."